The Curse of the Artist
The Title "Artist" usually brings one of 2 things to mind. the First is a Glamorous jet setter, a visionary, a stylish virtual demi-god ahead of his or her time, a creator, an alchemist that turns whatever they touch to gold.
The flip side of the coin, for those closer to the artists, they are usually weirdos, dysfunctional, bipolar, emotional wrecks and borderline socially retarded.
How do you reconcile the two? Do you even want to address the label? For my part on the one hand I recognize much in both sides, on the other hand I tend to flee labels like the plague instead on an ever ongoing quest of my own identity, never really functioning in any given culture, and yet very easily entering in contact with pretty much anyone... at least on a superficial level.
in my work I am always looking to take things to the next level, and the line between my work and myself is non existent to me. Yet to my clients, creative team, interns, models... I feel the pressure of having to put on a facade of a professional, a successful, confident businessman that has it together.
The reality is that each time I do a job from the first contact with the client/model... I am already feeling vulnerable, exposed... even naked.
No matter how happy my client is with my work I always debrief myself. When finishing a job I almost always am overwhelmed witha grieving relief. No matter how great My work looks and how well it fulfilled the client's expectations, the ever pressing question of HOW CAN I BE BETTER NEXT TIME haunts me. The hardest scenario is usually when I don't know how to answer that and feel a depressing sensation of: that was amazing... so is that it?
The debrief for me is so important to function. This may sound like an exaggeration but it's almost a grieving process for the part of me I left behind. It allows me to distance myself from the accumulated vulnerability of "putting myself out there" and re-assess how to I continue going on from here.
When running a business one of the questions you are supposed to look into is who is your competition? As an artist you want to think "I am unique no-one is doing the same thing as me" reality forces you to find a middle ground between those 2.
In a world more and more driven by Images, how do you stand out, yet give people an image that falls in line with the images they have been bombarded with and are trying to align themselves with?
Finally I would love to say I don't care what people think about me or my work... the truth though is I will continue to function, think and see the world in my own way, regardless of what people say... but I do care what people say, what people think. I want the whole world to appreciate me and my work. I am unable to relate any other way than COMPLETELY holding nothing back making myself vulnerable. And yet I know most people will never Really know me, so how can they appreciate me... really... even though I am virtually standing there Naked part of me will always feel invisible in the crowd.