Florida

You did not bring what I thought you would.

love and adventure

not how I thought you would

still somehow here I have grown. Here I have loved. I had romanticized in my mind what life would be like. I yearn for more and seek to create.

I strive. Striving does not mean everything around you is fine, wonderful. Maybe it is. Maybe within it isn’t so you stretch, stretch, stretch.

Will I regret you when I leave?

Will I find you again once more?

 

What you have given me is that I am only who I am.

I am who I am.

I am not the Ocean.

I am a part of her.

Carried to many shores but not encompassing them all at once.

And carried off once more.

I thought of Jesus and how he never stayed long.

People have different thoughts on that.

When I think about what culture does to you, what environment does to you, what love does to you… I think knowing he left helps me understand something. That we are changed, shaped, molded. That when you belong to the ocean of living waters, you must go, carried by the tides, by the crashing of the waves. I kiss the shore. I linger. I know of something else. somewhere else. I know of the depths of the sea. The wonder and energy. Life. Sometimes I wander from my source. I am meant to walk paths. Streams of the sea wander beneath me. Perhaps I forget my bearings, my roots, my refreshing. I no longer hear the call of the waves and marvel at the undulating dolphins and fishing birds. I have forgotten there is a shore. Maybe that is when I am at Sea. In the Storm. Weary, Afraid, Anxious. Faithless. I forget to even ask if I have been forsaken, I am simply lost. I forgot the bells on my ankles, the rhythm in my skin, the salt in my hair, the curve in my smile.

OOooo Ocean!

Those eyes reminded me of her. Of her life and truth, hope and light.
They comforted me. Perhaps I made them life and instead of making life with them.

 

Somehow I have found myself back with her.