Wondering Gypsy's recounting of her travels. Connecting to hearts and places; living and loving all there is to be seen; always challenging this sight to stretch further and further.
I put on Ayla Nereo's soundcloud and pressed play on the Tide Album to respond to this e-mail.
I was setting up a skype session for Spiritual Direction. I found my spiritual director after a trip this summer, as I was desperately seeking a place of refuge and retreat for my soul.
I got an e-mail from a family friend's friend, with her information but also speaking in a caring way of my emotions and heart, that she was holding space for me.
I called her. Her voice was soft and tone calm. I was a little weirded out. But it reminds me of that weirded out that I experienced in my first Sociology class at Westmont with Winslow. I went up to her at the end of the class, syllabus in hand for the Social Problems class, not getting why Food and Hate Crimes were listed, telling her "Uh.. I don't know if this sounds like something I want to do". She smiled at me nodding her head yes. Something made me keep that class. Honestly one of the best decisions of my life.
And I'm wondering if going to my Spiritual Director's retreat and continuing sessions through skype isn't just that.
Attitude of Gratitude.
It's a lesson that I've learned before, to harvest Gratitude throughout your life, yet I was having difficulties managing balance: how are you grateful for something yet also disappointed in it, how do you not hold to expectations and yet have ideals and recognize your own pains and discomforts and dissonance.
I was looking through e-mails for a writing sample I needed and found a short paragraph I sent to G4G Management responding to the prompt "what are you excited about?"
I looked with affection at this ball of wonder I put forth in my e-mail.
And with it, peace came upon me.
We all have expectations, that's a good thing, they're trackers. What's important is not banking our whole happiness upon whether or not they are fulfilled, and dealing with the emotions that come from them not being fulfilled.
Here's where gratitude comes in as the magic ingredient:
I am setting the intention to practice setting down my expectations of situations. What am I excited about? Is a great question to ask!
Because Maybe all the things I was excited about did not come into being! But, ENTER GRATITUDE: what are the things I was given through this experience that I never expected?
What a gift.